Monday, December 21, 2009

tramp stamp

Many of you don't know this about me, but I have two tattoos. I KNOW!!! I got both of them within a span of a year when I was 18. Both mistakes. Duh. The first one I got while still in Ann Arbor at a little cinder box place on the side of the road leading out of town. The guy who did was named painless John and he had no legs. When I told him I wanted Koi fish wrapped around my ankle he said "I can't do that, but I can do what's in that book over there." Did I back slowly out the door? Did I go research a better tattoo parlor with more options, or even say, the option that I wanted? Nope. I cracked open the book, chose a chain of flowers, lit a newport and prepared for pain. What a dumb dumb.

The next one I got in San Francisco my my freshman or sophomore year. The tattoo parlor was much nicer, but the tattoo was even worse than the first. It's a sun burst with a moon face in it. It's about early 1990's as you can get. Most of you probably owned the throw blanket version of my tattoo, and I hate it more and more every single day.

Whenever I see girls with tattoos I think "what a hussy". And then I gasp. Wait, I'm a hussy too! Geez. Sometimes I see girls with tattoos that they clearly thought long and hard about, and had someone with genuine talent apply to their bodies, where they will remain FOREVER, and I curse them for being level headed while I was on an adolescent hormone bender.

So this year all I want for Christmas is world peace, and end to hunger, and painless, scar free tattoo removal. Thanks Santa.


  1. i got a tattoo when i was 20. i don't regret it, per se...but i would like to get it removed. i think by the time we are about 45 there will be better technology. something to look forward to.
    my dad was SO pissed when he found 5 years go. i won't even go on vacation with him for fear he'll see it while i'm wearing a bathing suit. maybe that's a blessing.

  2. btw, you going back to A2 for xmas?
    we are all going out for kathy's bday.

  3. I know. I'd rather have the ugly tattoo than an ugly scar right now.

    We're not going back this year, and we ALWAYS go back. Just wanted to spend one christmas not flying, not getting sick, not hustling a two year old and his christmas presents through security.

    Tell everyone Hello. I wish I could be there for that.

  4. When I was 18 at Michigan Tech I had a girlfriend drive me the 90 miles to the nearest tatoo parlor to get sorority letters on my foot. The guy said he didn't "do feet" so I agreed to the ankle. Then he brought out the straight razor which I'm terrified of. We had an argument about how there isn't a single hair on my leg but he still was going to take the f'in straight razor to my ankle bone. I slowly backed out of the place and drove the 90 miles home after hitting Pizza Hut. Thank god for small miracles....this could have been a blog post of my own it's the longest comment ever!

  5. I have 2 cherries on my boob, which I got in Key West. The lady asked me why I wanted something "so nice" - told her I lived in Cherry Land!! They are not drooping - yet!