Saturday, December 5, 2009

I want someone nice to get all my shoes

I think I'm having a heart attack. It's probably just heartburn. But you never know with these things. Nipper and I drew up a will, but we never got it notarized, because we are not the kind of people who get things like that done in a timely manner. I'll be falling into an active volcano someday shouting to Nipper "DID WE PROPERLY FILE THOSE OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS?"

I went to an audition this morning and took Jack with me, because he was having one of those "mommy don't leave me" moments, and I figured there would be someone there to watch him for the 4 minutes I was auditioning. I was wrong, there was no one but floozies and hobos, but he managed to entertain himself somehow between the iphone, buzz lightyear, a gargbage truck, and cheddar bunnies, that I brought with us.

I ate three cheddar bunnies while waiting.

When I got home Sadie was here to pick me up and we went out for a rare girls afternoon of shopping. Our first stop was Starbucks where I had my second half caff soy gingerbread latte of the day. I know that adds up to one whole caff, so just back off. I also know that means that I spent $9.40 on fake coffee today which fills me with all kinds of self loathing. I ate 1/4 of Sadie's frosted gingerbread, and then we shopped until we fell down, taking elevators whenever possible to maintain our strength.

When I got home Jack and I got back in the car and went to In&Out burger where, starving at 4:30 in the afternoon, I consumed a double double and fries. Pretty. I topped it off with a handful of dark chocolate m&ms when I got home.

Nipper got home from his run, and we opened a bottle of wine.

After we got Jack to bed, Nipper made himself some scrambled eggs and toast which smelled SO good, probably in large part due to the wine, so I made some too, and then another glass of wine followed up by another handful of dark chocolate m&ms.

You see where this is going. Please see related post about spanx below. I'm having serious chest pains and I'm sure it's because I starved myself all day minus sugar and caffeine, and then ate breakfast and dinner in the span of 3 hours followed by booze and chocolate. If somebody were to interrogate me right now, I would totally break. I shot JFK, it was me and some Cubans! I can not tell a lie!

Going to go lay in bed now and hope for the best.


  1. Time to reign it in for a few weeks before xmas puts you over the edge and you have to go up a size in your spanx :) Or, throw caution to the wind and drink some more wine, followed by more m&m's. Hmmmm, decisions.

  2. I can't believe Lola made the Jack collage and I didn't. Have you just completely eliminated Auntie Swing from Jack's life??