Bossypants

I have been reading the most grim books lately. I don't know what's come over me. I can barely watch the news, and yet I've been reading grisly murder mysteries, and a bunch of compelling but disturbing non fiction. The other night I was lying in bed when I finished The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, which is great, but I was feeling my hope for human beings slipping away and decided I needed to read something happier before I went to sleep. I went into the ibooks store and found Tina Fey's new book Bossypants. I got a sample and started reading. 


15 minutes later, I finished the sample, bought the book, and had to force myself to go to stop reading and go to sleep around 1:30am because Jack was going to be up early for school, and I was going to be wrecked. I finished it the next day after a long nap. SO GOOD. 


If you are a working mom, or a stay at home mom, or have a vagina you should read this book. Also if you don't have a vagina, but you have kids and a job, or a wife, or both, you should read this book. If you hate laughing, and think women shouldn't have jobs because they need to be home sweeping, then as Tina Fey says (I'm paraphrasing) you "can go shit in your hat". 


She talks about her background in improv, the behind the scenes stuff from SNL, what she learned from Lorne Michaels, and how she navigates working 70 hours a week on 30 Rock, while being a mom, a wife, and all around ass kicker. Did I mention she had to personally call Oprah and ask her to PLEASE come and shoot an episode of 30 Rock they already had half shot, all while planning her daughters 3rd birthday (Peter Pan themed), and doing her first performance on SNL as Sarah Palin. Ass. Kicker. 


And finally FINALLY, a wealthy, intelligent, powerful woman cops to the whole nanny/babysitter, I do all the parenting myself lie. (Gwyneth and her "first I get the kids dressed, and make them all breakfast and off to school before I go to my photo shoot"... Ok Gwynie, I'm sure your cook/nanny/housekeepers don't help you with that at all.) My favorite footnote in the book was this one:

*"I know it's bullshit that I say "babysitter" instead of nanny. What I have is a full-time nanny, and I should be roundly punished for trying to make it seem like the teenager next door comes over one night a week. But I don't like the word "nanny." It gives me class anxiety and race anxiety. And that is why I will henceforth refer to our nanny as our Coordinator of Toddlery. "

AMEN! I would now like to apologize for referring to Brenda as Jack's babysitter. Until he started school he was with her 25 hours a week. She was, and still is, indispensable to us. She comes during the week on Jack's non-school days, and takes him to the park or a museum, for walks. He loves her, and a lot of times when she's here, I am too. She allows me to pay bills, take a nap, blog, finish one of my 10,000 projects. Jack can come and get hugs, and most of the time Brenda and I end up gossiping while he says things like "ugh, what are you guys talking about?!?!?!?!" I usually say "feelings" or "jesus" and he goes back to playing. 


So... Having read Bossypants, I now love Tina Fey, even more than I already did. She's smart, funny, and has a tremendous ability to navigate a business that I have only succeeded on the fringe of. (dangle) Read it today, or you can go shit in your hat...

I don't want to brag, but...

I had so much fun at sewing class last night, and perhaps so much pinot noir and sant agur that I dreamt OPRAH wanted to feature my blog on her show. Yeah, that's how good sewing class was. Never mind that less than 100 people read this thing regularly. I was in such a state of post craft giddiness, that I dreamt she sent one of her minion to tell me that she thought the way that I was always sandbagging everyone was really hilarious (and SO thought provoking) and then she showed me how she was going to cut the piece together. The segment for some reason involved a small African child getting what looked like a paraffin wrap at a spa, and some crafty Pippi Longstocking lookalike tweens in Belgium, who wore hats, that were commenting on my blog. I guess you have to be sort of megalomaniacal in order to be an actor, but I had no idea that my subconscious was this naive. Kind of refreshing really. Most nights my dreams have to do with people making snide comments about my muffin top, and unintelligible scenarios, where I'm in my old high school, but it's NOT my high school. You know the drill.

So sewing class... My friend Betty, who is the uber talented owner of this etsy shop and this etsy shop, mentioned that she was teaching some little girls to sew. My inner dictator burst out of it's shell, and started telling random people all about it, before I asked Betty if she was A)wanting to B) willing to C)wondering if I'm an insane person who will one day leap from my roof shouting I AM A GOLDEN GOD. SO after I had a whole gaggle of ladies on board, I contacted Betty and thankfully she said yes to a big girls sewing class with wine and everything. YAY.

We descended on her house last night and besides learning how to using use the zig zag stitch, and make a pattern, I learned about saint agur cheese. My new/old friend Geri, who I hadn't seen since, I don't know, 1989 (when I was 3, no really...) came bearing the most incredible assortment of cheeses and cookies, and one of them was this saint agur, which I'm sorry I keep talking about in the middle of a post about sewing but holy shit, I DEMAND that you all go out an get some and then get back to me, because I don't know how I made it 35 24 years without it. Of course, now I'm going to have to be extracted from my house by Dick Gregory, but who cares, you only live once.

Ok, so we made tote bags, and even though I hated my fabric when I got there, and thought it looked very Mrs Roper-ish, once it was all sewed together, I actually think it looks kind of jcrew-ish. This is the bag I'd take if I was wearing all white and going to a clambake. I'm also wondering when I became such honky.

Happy Friday!

Share the wealth episode 3

This ADORABLE scarf does have something to do with today's post, but you'll have to read to the bottom to find out how to get this little treat. oh also it's from Kate Spade. Wait, did I give it all away? Whoopsy Tootsie. Read on please...

Today I want to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. Women. You know, girls, moms, daughters, and grannies. I love men. But I can love men, because I was fortunate enough to be born to a place that values me as a woman. I'm so fortunate to have a father and a husband who support me in the most positive ways possible. (and of course a son who ADORES me) I'm so fortunate to have been born in a place that never questioned if I should be educated, or vaccinated or fed, because I'm a woman. If you are reading this, so are you.

I've been thinking I wanted to talk about one specific organization for the last few weeks now, but I haven't been able to narrow it down. Then today Oprah, who I swear I don't watch, (SWEAR!)  had Nicholas Kristof and his wife, Sheryl WuDunn on talking about their book and organization "Half The Sky", and I wanted to mention that. You can also read a portion of the book in the NYTimes. They have a list of great organizations that you can look into on their site as well. Oprah, wise woman that she is put a handy little registry up on her site where you can help all kinds of women in all kinds of ways. Many of the donations are so small but can make such big difference in a woman or girl's life. So I'm going to mention a few organizations. Hopefully they will get you all thinking about these numbers, and urge you to do something, however small to help women and girls, who, as you and I know, make all the good shit happen. 

The first one I want to mention is the Fistula Foundation. I'm not going to go into the nitty gritty of what a obstetric fistula is here, because some of you maybe reading this over breakfast, but you can read about it here on their site. Basically it is a hole. It is a common complication with obstructed labor. It is a very common, and very curable problem that effects so many women all over the world. With surgery and antibiotics these women can go on to have very normal lives. But in many parts of the world, they have no access to the health care they need. They end up being shunned due to the embarrassing nature of the injury and many women die unnecessarily because of it. You can learn more about fistula on the Fistula Foundation website. You can also donate to their cause here. 

The next one, I know a lot of you already know about, because it's so family friendly. They do a great job, of making their donations giftable, which is great this time of year. It's Heifer International. For those of you who don't know, Heifer gives the gift of something like a goat, or a cow, or a flock of geese, or honeybees, even bunny rabbits. These animals can take a family and eventually a whole community from terribly impoverished conditions to having a dependable source of food and income. This year my mother is buying all the grandkids a goat or a small flock of something as a christmas gift. It's a great way to teach kids about something that is very hard to understand in our world where food comes from the grocery store. 

The last one I'm going to include is Women For Women. This organization helps women in war torn areas get back on their feet and become empowered through education and work skills. You can simply donate, or you can sponsor a woman, in one of many war torn countries. I think this org is pretty incredible. I probably should have put this one first, because I'm going to use some of the statistics from their site. Here are some facts that should move you to action:

Why Women?

Around the world, women face some of the greatest obstacles yet also represent tremendous opportunity for lasting social and economic development. Globally, women face the following challenges:

• They bear a disproportionate burden of the world’s poverty (They represent 70 percent of the world’s poor)
• Their ability to have a decent life is limited (they perform 66 percent of the world’s work and produce 50 percent of the food but they only earn 10 percent of the income and own 1 percent of the property)
• Investment in women is inadequate (recent data shows that only 3.6% of overseas development assistance was earmarked for gender equality (UNIFEM). And for every dollar of development assistance, two cents goes to girls (Girl Effect).
• During and after conflict, women are particularly vulnerable to violence and exploitation (About 70% of casualties in recent conflicts are women and children (UNIFEM) and the forms of violence they experience include torture, rape, sexual slavery, enforced prostitution and mutilation (UN)

An average Women for Women International participant faces the following challenges:

• She has limited access to electricity and water (99% of participants in Sudan)
• She is not educated (96% of participants in Afghanistan)
• She is not engaged in productive work (90% of participants in Iraq)
• She is not able to pay for medical care (66% of participants in Afghanistan)
• She is not able to change customs and traditions that are not fair to her
• (94% of participants in the DRC)

And for you fashion mavens out there who want to buy something cute, cute, cute, Kate Spade has been partnered with Women For Women since 2005. This year they are selling the most adorable hats, and mittens, dog sweaters, (attention Auntie Swing, Lola needs a Kate Spade sweater) and scarves for the holidays. The knits were all made by women in Bosnia and Herzegovina who are graduates of the program. Dudes... cute, AND good for women! You know you want some. How virtuous would you feel giving your mother in law * something that you could lord over her all year long. "Remember that hat we gave you for christmas? Yeah, I single handedly helped a woman in a war torn country with the purchase of that hat. What did you get me last year? Oh that's right Prell."

If you still need inspiration check out this little video:

http://www.oprah.com/media/20090925-tows-girl-effect

"It's no big deal, just the future of humanity..."

*the above statements in no way reflect the relationship I have with MY mother in law, who loves me and always know exactly the perfect thing that will make me squeal with delight on birthdays and Christmas. Meems, you are THE BEST and I love you! 

Free birth control, fertilizer, and other mind blowing perks!

So this week I got to thinking about a few of my babyless friends who have asked me in the last two years, "How is it? Is it hard? Do you love it?"  Here are a few tidbits to elucidate the joys of parenthood.

For the most part, it's the most overwhelming feeling of love, and pride, and ooey gooey all encompassing smoochiness. Most days, I have to restrain myself from trying to eat Jack's face. I'm not a cannibal, but now I see how it could happen. Just one little cheek. But there is a dark side. 

Three days ago, Jack went up to his friend Cleo's house to play. It was the first time that Nipper Knapp and I have been alone together in the house in TWO YEARS!!!! So take a look at your husband, or boyfriend, or wife, or girlfriend or Oprah, or whoever it is you're thinking of have a baby with, and know that it might be a LONG time before you are able to, you know, sit on the couch naked in the middle of the afternoon and eat cheesy poofs. Or whatever it is that got you thinking about baby making in the first place... 

Tuesday night was also special and romantic because Jack pooped on our bedroom floor, stepped in it, and crawled into our bed, spreading his poopy goodness far and wide. I'm just sayin...

The above pictures were taken in his bath 7 minutes before the poop on the floor incident (his first, and I'm hoping last). SO as you can see, it's complicated.