Wednesday, January 5, 2011

How to raise a California boy in the 21st century

Those pancakes? Organic multi-grain, fair trade chocolate, with organic whipping cream.

My father is a wild man. Not like a Harley driving, bail hopping wild man. Like a Natty Bumppo, living off the land, hunting, fishing, and trapping things, wild man. He grew up with a cast of characters whose names sound like something from a clever novel set in the 50's: Billy Goule, Butchy O'Green, Olee (whose last name escapes me), and my favorite Jiffy Kajeski. 

They trapped snapping turtles in the river near their house, fished in Lake Michigan, and went deer hunting with their dads when the weather turned cold. I imagine them all in high cuffed blue jeans, toy six shooters holstered, with lucky strikes rolled into the sleeves of their white tees at the ripe age of nine. This post is designed to make him roll his eyes, and shake his head with disappointment. Here's to you Peepaw, the spawn of your spawn.

Things to know about Jack at Three (and a half)
1. His favorite food is soy chicken nuggets
2. To my knowledge, he has never touched a bug (ok, he's touched a bug, a LADYBUG we set free in the garden, and a spider he collected with his bug vacuum) 
3. All of his socks are made from organic bamboo 
4. Sometimes he pees sitting down (less now that he goes to school)
5. He loves green smoothies filled with kale, spinach, and SPIRULINA
6. His best friend in the whole world is a girl.
7. He wears organic cotton pants with stripes on them. Daily
8. Until he cracked his head open last month, I had never put a band-aid on him. Not a scratch in 3 years

Of course I'm leaving out that he loves trucks, guns, star wars, football, monsters, robots, and anything that explodes. His favorite way to wake me up in the morning, is to creep into the room with some sort of weapon and "shoot" me awake.  After this post, I'm sure Nipper is going to get him some camo pants and send him out into the Angeles National Forest to fend for himself amongst the bears and meth labs. Don't worry baby, mommy will pack you some locally harvested organic trail mix and a horizon milk in your, what do you call it (?) rucksack. 


  1. Awwww. such an adorable post.My little man is 6. I was bringing home a stuffed bunny for his little sister one day and as I walked in the door he runs up and says "Mommy, you bought me a bunny" It's been months and the bunny has not left the crook of his arm except when he goes to school.
    It's good to be reminded that he has a soft side.
    I like to think that it just means they will make better husbands and daddies when they grow up!

  2. I think it means they will make better husbands and daddies when they grow up! I wish I could date one of them now...arg. it's tough out there.

  3. He's a wonderful boy and the working class, foundry town, 50's are over. Maybe he won't trap a muskrat but I'd like him to shoot Walt's 30-06 Mauser and battle the tarpon with me down here in the Florida Keys. You are giving him a great life and we love you for that.