Thursday, June 30, 2011

Hi. How's it going?

Here's an exchange Nipper and I had last night after the kids were both asleep (thank you god for that hour).

Nipper (cooking a grilled cheese): Why is it so different between 1 and 2?

Me: Because we're doing man on man coverage. And it used to be just one, so when one of us was with Jack the other one was getting a break, and now there's no respite, there is always something that needs to be done.

Nipper: I was talking about the hood vent on the stove... Level 1 is barely anything, and then level 2 is like a jet engine, but then there is no difference between 2 and 3. 

Me: Oh, I thought you were talking about our children. 

Then I ate a bowl of chocolate cheerios the size of my head and went to sleep at 9:07pm. 

Does anyone want to lend me their maid/nanny/personal chef/ assistant/pool guy/ gardener/ house painter/ doula/ masseuse/ hair dresser/therapist? Thanks...

Friday, June 24, 2011

I'm in it peeps

Greatest Birth Announcement. EVER. I don't know these people. Our friend Kelly sent this to me. Love it. Wish I was together enough to do a birth announcement period. 

Charlie is 5 weeks old. Jack turned 4 this week. The party is Sunday. You know I'm doing it up Nerdmom style. I have SO fucking much to tell you that I'm bursting at the seams, but I don't have any time to write. SO... I'm offering up two links that made my week. One from my dear friend Jackie, who is also a mom of two, the same age, and all around genius. If she and I can ever get our shit together, there's going to a book, movie, column, so funny that you will shake and pee yourself when you see it. The other link from Lisa of Smacksy. It's like this woman read my mind. 

These both made me laugh out loud this week. 

Jackie's link:  I need a chicken

Lisa's link: I have additional drawings in the works

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Cult Classic

I'm on a linen website right now and the reviews are starting to freak me out. Are linen sheets only for weirdos? Everyone I know who has linen sheets says in dreamy, faraway voice "Oh...once you sleep on linen you'll never sleep on anything else". Like if I get some will I end up canceling our premium cable, moving my family to a "compound" somewhere? I'm nervous. 

Here is the first review that made me wonder:

" To clean them, I enjoy using the Aquasana hand held filtered water from my  large walk in shower.  "

Uhm... seriously? You only wash your sheets in filtered water from your shower? This is way too much care for a sheet. And I am ALL ABOUT good sheets. There is no way this person has children, but I'm betting they do have lots of orchids...

Then I read this one:

" just got linoto sheets for my birthday - and i love them! i'm living here in texas in the 100-degree weather, and they're just so light and cool to the touch! we sleep three in the bed and the linen sheets are a godsend!"

I was with them until they used the phrase "three to a bed", like, that's a thing. Is that a thing? They didn't say, "my child sleeps with us", or "we're swingers", or "we're really poor, and so we only have this one bed". Not likely as the damn sheets are $200 a pop. They said "three to a bed". Is that a thing? Maybe in Texas. 

Also in the reviews all the people referred to a guy named Jason, as if this Jason person was their personal "sheet guy". The website looks like a real company. Not like some guy selling luxury linens out of his mother's parlor. I'm confused. 

So I really really want to try these sheets. But if you guys start noticing me writing about secret messages being sent to me via the microwave oven, or dressing my whole family in matching track someone.

Monday, June 13, 2011


Movie Charlie

Today Charlie and I went on our first adventure together. The AMC theaters here have Monday morning mommy and me movies. You can take your baby, or your kid, and it's ok if they cry of poop, or lean over the seat and talk the whole movie. The movie is usually whatever is the big new release from the previous weekend. It's AWESOME. As someone who loves movies, it's the thing that saved me from feeling like a leper when Jack was a baby. The first movie we went to was Hairspray. I cried. Not because Hairspray is a tearjerker, but because being a dark movie theater with my baby (Nipper) and Jack, made me feel so fucking normal. 

This is what he looked like in the most exciting parts...Not really, he was snoozing. 

So Charlie and I went to see Super 8 today. We loved it. He nursed when we got there and slept on my lap for most of the movie. Heaven. I didn't cry, but almost. It's such a relief to get a glimpse into the future normal, after weeks and weeks of nothing but diapers and sore nipples.

Kind of love my fellas today. I promise to bring back the snark and venom very soon...

Friday, June 10, 2011

White gold, Texas tea...FREEDOM!

I am in love with my new baby. I want to nibble his toes, and run my fingers over his velveteen bunny soft head. But I also want to go see Tree of Life, go back to work, and take Jack to a birthday party. Since Charlie came out like a linebacker he eats ALL THE TIME. Sometimes it's every hour. Which is fine. I'm happy to do it. With Jack it never made sense to me to pump, because he was always with us. I never wanted to be away from him for a second, and could never get into a rhythm of when to pump, and when to nurse. It always just seemed easier to nurse. So I never pumped. Plus the few times we did try, he wouldn't take a bottle. This time, I'm determined to make it work. I am shooting a wedding in July, and have to be able to be away from him for 8 hours that day. I'll have to find a time to pump, which is kind of stressing me out, because you know, it's not like I'll have a coffee break, it's not a regular job. But like I said before, THIS IS GOING TO WORK! 

This is what I take for freedom now. Getting up in the middle of the night to let my husband give the baby a bottle so I can pump. Going to shoot a glamorous wedding, and trying to find a quiet private place to hook myself up to a milking machine. 

Motherhood is complicated. Duh. I didn't go back to work for 4 months when Jack was born, because I couldn't fathom being away from him for a moment. Now I don't know how I'll go back to work, even though I feel more ready, because I can't figure out logistically how to make it work. Two kids, one nursing, one husband, no gardener (that's on me), no babysitter. It could be worse. I could have a real job. MAJOR FUCKING KUDOS to those of you who do. I bow to your mommy prowess. You can slap me for complaining if and when we ever meet.

I just pumped my first bottle, an hour after Charlie's morning feed. I'm worried he's going to wake up hungry five minutes after I pump and I won't have enough milk...Complicated. 

For you moms out there who pumped and gave bottles, how did you do it? I'm...uhm...asking for...advice...sshhhh...

Thursday, June 9, 2011


Jack at a week old

And then you have that day as a new mom, where everything goes totally fine, but everything makes you cry. Yeah, that's the day I had today.

Charlie was up from 3:30 until almost 6:30 this morning. He dozed off and on while nursing (four times) in that time, and so did I. But basically, we were up. Jack came in at 8am because he wanted to say "have a good day" and kiss me and Charlie before he went to school. Sweet boy. He came in, whispered "Mommy", and then gave me a kiss, then he gave Charlie a kiss. Then he went to give Charlie another kiss, and I whispered "please don't wake up the baby honey", and he said "why?" and I said "sshh, because mommy is tired" this all happened at whisper level. But of course, as soon as Jack walked out of the room, Charlie was up, and ready to nurse, and I was riddled with guilt for telling Jack not to kiss his brother again. But also wanted to barf because I was so tired. And so it begins...

Did I mention that I watched a video of Jack at age two talking about Buzz Lightyear about 20 times last night? It was the night before we left for a job in NYC. Nipper was meeting us there, and I wanted to get Jack something new to play with on the plane. He was holding Buzz like a baby doll, and said "Buzz Iteyear can't see the teedee" because his space mask was down. I know, I know. But I'm his MOM. Did I mention I made Nipper watch it 10 of those 20 times. Did I mention I cried the whole time. It's insane to me that Jack is now so big, and Charlie is so little, but soon he'll be just as big, and in two years, I'll be dying that Charlie is so big, and how did it go so fast, and Jack was so little when Charlie was born, but now so big, and UGH!

I'm realizing I'll never have the time and focus with Charlie that I had with Jack. I'm trying to get over that. But I'm also trying to get over missing Jack, and that undivided time and attention, while feeling guilty that poor Charlie is getting the short end of the stick. But he's not, because he get's a big brother who is awesome, and wants to kiss him two times before leaving for school. See? It's complicated.

Also we lost our long time babysitter this week. Long story. But it's thrown a GIANT fork into my plans for this summer, and for Charlie, and you know, maybe someday going back to work, and not losing my mind. I had this friend in college who had the same nanny his whole childhood. I thought ours was like that. She was part of the family. (Did you see the quilt?!) So I'm super sad, but also super mad. Ok, if you need me, I'll be the weepy lady with the tennis racquet. Did I mention we are taking lessons starting next week. Somebody stop me...

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

midnight gardener

This rarely happens at night...

So tonight I pruned my roses in the dark after the we put the kids to bed. When else am I going to do it? I went out there when it was still light to water this new GIANT fuschia plant I have in a hanging basket in the breezeway. But then I noticed the roses were looking kind of leggy, and no Roberto, so... I got out the pruners. By the time I got to the second rose bush it was pretty much dark out, and while leaning in to get a distant branch, I got a leaf in my eye, which made my eye automatically close AROUND THE LEAF. Have you ever felt an entire leaf under your eyelid? It didn't really hurt, just felt weird, but then when I got inside it was bothering me, so I decided to watch baby videos of Jack. You know so I could cry my eyes out, but just to clean out any leaf dirt. It's going too fast.

Pushing Charlie to Village Pizza

Oh also, apologies to those of you who don't like my Faulkner like stream of consciousness posts. I don't have the energy for structure. And no I'm not saying my writing is as good as Faulkner's, although that wouldn't really be something I'd say anyway, because I can't read Faulkner because he's SO boring, but my dad likes him, so... good night. 

Saturday, June 4, 2011

This is a little blog test. I'm up. I'm nursing. I'm trying to text a blog from my phone. My friend Allie had her baby girl tonight. 31 hours of labor! It's been fun sharing those first few hours of crazy wonder and love over text and Facebook with her and friends. My nipples SUPER hurt right now. But wow I like being a mom.

Hope I'm not texting this to my whole rolodex. For those of Yo under the age of 72, google "Rolodex".

Friday, June 3, 2011

someone get that lady a straight jacket

Peonies from Trader Joes. Perfect!

And then sometimes you run into Lisa from Smacksy when you're getting out of your car in South Pasadena and you are trying to cram a GIANT diaper bag, that you're already mad at yourself for bringing, when you're just going for a stupid walk, but what if the baby poops, or needs a change of clothes, or you know a hat. But really, you're going to walk for like 1/2 an hour, and you are 4 minutes from home, so you needed the suitcase? But there you are CRAMMING it into the bottom of the overpriced stroller you bought when you were pregnant with Jack, that you and Nipper Knapp HATE, but now it's like, you've committed and by god you're not going to spend one more penny on strollers, because this one DOES IT ALL!!! And you say hi, and then because you are embarrassed by the diaper bag, and the stroller, and the fact that you haven't spoken to a human being who wasn't related to you in weeks, you commence to verbally vomit on Smacksy about how Nipper is at a Target audition, but you want him to come home so you can go to the actual Target store for FIVE minutes, and isn't it stupid that you brought a diaper bag, and how your 10lb baby is killing your boobs, and oh you're just out for a walk. But you feel even weirder when you start talking so you try to shut up. But you feel like a freak because you think she's probably wondering why you are parking your car at the park, to go for a walk with your baby and your diaper bag, and you are SO HAPPY, she didn't walk by 5 minutes before to see you eating your In&Out burger in your car, like a criminal. So then you mention the In&out burger, but only in passing, and you wish you could shut up, but she's right there in front of you, A REAL PERSON, and a MOM no less! 

and Charlie sleeps through the whole thing...

You manage to shut up for long enough for her to say, "have a great walk", and pretend that you are behaving in a totally normal manner, only to run right into her and another mom 1/2 a block away. And when the mom politely says you look great for having had a baby 2 weeks before you say something about pacing around in circles in your house, which makes no sense at all, and probably she wonders if she should wrestle the stroller out of your hands, and call someone, but you know the walk is going to help, so you only slow down for a minute, and then you're off again. FITNESS! FRESH AIR! The jacarandas are in bloom! But you don't mention that. She also smiles politely because she's a mom, and realizes you are hormonal and insane, and she should let you pass. 

Later when you tell Jack that you saw Bob Rosenberg and his mom on the street, he says "Oh... you mean Action Bob?"

"yes, I saw Action Bob and his mom on my walk" like it was all no big deal...

Then later this happens, and you die of love


and then this comes in the mail, and you think everything might be just fine...

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Thank You


I want to thank a few people who helped make yesterday pretty great. In no particular order:

I would like to thank Jack's babysitter for being a no show. It allowed me to spend 30 minutes in the swing chair with both of my boys under a blanket telling the wizard of oz story. Which Jack said he thought "Charlie really likes". 

I would like to thank Charlie for going to sleep after nursing, so that Jack and I could crawl into bed and watch an episode of Spiderman.

I would like to thank Jack for cuddling up next to me while watching Spiderman and falling asleep. His first at home nap in bed with mommy in what may be a year. 

I would like to thank Charlie for continuing to sleep all the way through my nap with Jack, and our grilled cheese and apples lunch, another thing we haven't been able to do in a long time. 

I would like to thank AMC for running Die Hard in the middle of the afternoon while Nipper took Jack to swim class, so that I didn't DIE of boredom while Charlie nursed for 17,000 hours. 

I would like to thank Nipper for taking Jack to swim class, where he reportedly did the pancake float all on his own, the only kid in his class to do it. Then for taking him to Menchie's and getting this picture. 

I would like to also thank the inventor of Limonata, for you know, inventing it. 

And I think that's it. 

As you can see, anyone that helps my boys nap, me nap, provides desert, action movies, or lemony goodness is alright in my book.