Friday, June 3, 2011

someone get that lady a straight jacket

Peonies from Trader Joes. Perfect!

And then sometimes you run into Lisa from Smacksy when you're getting out of your car in South Pasadena and you are trying to cram a GIANT diaper bag, that you're already mad at yourself for bringing, when you're just going for a stupid walk, but what if the baby poops, or needs a change of clothes, or you know a hat. But really, you're going to walk for like 1/2 an hour, and you are 4 minutes from home, so you needed the suitcase? But there you are CRAMMING it into the bottom of the overpriced stroller you bought when you were pregnant with Jack, that you and Nipper Knapp HATE, but now it's like, you've committed and by god you're not going to spend one more penny on strollers, because this one DOES IT ALL!!! And you say hi, and then because you are embarrassed by the diaper bag, and the stroller, and the fact that you haven't spoken to a human being who wasn't related to you in weeks, you commence to verbally vomit on Smacksy about how Nipper is at a Target audition, but you want him to come home so you can go to the actual Target store for FIVE minutes, and isn't it stupid that you brought a diaper bag, and how your 10lb baby is killing your boobs, and oh you're just out for a walk. But you feel even weirder when you start talking so you try to shut up. But you feel like a freak because you think she's probably wondering why you are parking your car at the park, to go for a walk with your baby and your diaper bag, and you are SO HAPPY, she didn't walk by 5 minutes before to see you eating your In&Out burger in your car, like a criminal. So then you mention the In&out burger, but only in passing, and you wish you could shut up, but she's right there in front of you, A REAL PERSON, and a MOM no less! 

and Charlie sleeps through the whole thing...

You manage to shut up for long enough for her to say, "have a great walk", and pretend that you are behaving in a totally normal manner, only to run right into her and another mom 1/2 a block away. And when the mom politely says you look great for having had a baby 2 weeks before you say something about pacing around in circles in your house, which makes no sense at all, and probably she wonders if she should wrestle the stroller out of your hands, and call someone, but you know the walk is going to help, so you only slow down for a minute, and then you're off again. FITNESS! FRESH AIR! The jacarandas are in bloom! But you don't mention that. She also smiles politely because she's a mom, and realizes you are hormonal and insane, and she should let you pass. 

Later when you tell Jack that you saw Bob Rosenberg and his mom on the street, he says "Oh... you mean Action Bob?"

"yes, I saw Action Bob and his mom on my walk" like it was all no big deal...

Then later this happens, and you die of love


and then this comes in the mail, and you think everything might be just fine...


  1. Things one never has to apologize for:
    1. In N Out
    2. Mommy tiredness
    3. Diaper bags the size of a jetski

    I was thrilled to get to lay my actual eyes on you, new mama, and handsome Charlie!

  2. I'm the mom you met around the corner with Lisa. . . And I knew exactly what you meant about walking in circles around your house, and you didn't have to say it, but I knew you also meant that you were walking in circles many hours in the middle of the night too, when no one else except you and the baby are awake and I (I mean, you) can stuff your face with as much junk food as you want and that it doesn't count because no one can see and it's the middle of the night, damnit, and you deserve it. I know because I have 3 boys and I've done it too.

    See. . . it's not verbal vomiting. . . it's our own language. . . the true "Motherese" and we're all equally crazy.

    Love your blog!

  3. I enjoyed reading this, Mar.

  4. My friend sent me your blog link last week, love it! This post killed me, I was literally choking back laughter so as not to wake my two week old twin daughters, or the 2 year old my husband is trying to get to sleep while my 7 and 5 year olds play a video game. Inane statements, check. Enormous diaper bag, check. Walking in circles eating junk food, check. And currently typing one-handed while breastfeeding baby girl, check. So glad to read this today, made me laugh when I needed it!