Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Cult Classic

I'm on a linen website right now and the reviews are starting to freak me out. Are linen sheets only for weirdos? Everyone I know who has linen sheets says in dreamy, faraway voice "Oh...once you sleep on linen you'll never sleep on anything else". Like if I get some will I end up canceling our premium cable, moving my family to a "compound" somewhere? I'm nervous. 

Here is the first review that made me wonder:

" To clean them, I enjoy using the Aquasana hand held filtered water from my  large walk in shower.  "

Uhm... seriously? You only wash your sheets in filtered water from your shower? This is way too much care for a sheet. And I am ALL ABOUT good sheets. There is no way this person has children, but I'm betting they do have lots of orchids...

Then I read this one:

" just got linoto sheets for my birthday - and i love them! i'm living here in texas in the 100-degree weather, and they're just so light and cool to the touch! we sleep three in the bed and the linen sheets are a godsend!"

I was with them until they used the phrase "three to a bed", like, that's a thing. Is that a thing? They didn't say, "my child sleeps with us", or "we're swingers", or "we're really poor, and so we only have this one bed". Not likely as the damn sheets are $200 a pop. They said "three to a bed". Is that a thing? Maybe in Texas. 

Also in the reviews all the people referred to a guy named Jason, as if this Jason person was their personal "sheet guy". The website looks like a real company. Not like some guy selling luxury linens out of his mother's parlor. I'm confused. 

So I really really want to try these sheets. But if you guys start noticing me writing about secret messages being sent to me via the microwave oven, or dressing my whole family in matching track suits...call someone.

1 comment:

  1. You've brought me into a whole new world. Scary linen sheet world.
    Yet I'm intrigued.
    Could the three to a bed be their dog? No, that would still be weird.

    P.S. If you start referring to "Jason" as your "Personal Savior" and wearing Nellie Olson dresses I'm driving over there and smacking those linen sheets out of your hand.

    A really good friend.