I am in love with my new baby. I want to nibble his toes, and run my fingers over his velveteen bunny soft head. But I also want to go see Tree of Life, go back to work, and take Jack to a birthday party. Since Charlie came out like a linebacker he eats ALL THE TIME. Sometimes it's every hour. Which is fine. I'm happy to do it. With Jack it never made sense to me to pump, because he was always with us. I never wanted to be away from him for a second, and could never get into a rhythm of when to pump, and when to nurse. It always just seemed easier to nurse. So I never pumped. Plus the few times we did try, he wouldn't take a bottle. This time, I'm determined to make it work. I am shooting a wedding in July, and have to be able to be away from him for 8 hours that day. I'll have to find a time to pump, which is kind of stressing me out, because you know, it's not like I'll have a coffee break, it's not a regular job. But like I said before, THIS IS GOING TO WORK!
This is what I take for freedom now. Getting up in the middle of the night to let my husband give the baby a bottle so I can pump. Going to shoot a glamorous wedding, and trying to find a quiet private place to hook myself up to a milking machine.
Motherhood is complicated. Duh. I didn't go back to work for 4 months when Jack was born, because I couldn't fathom being away from him for a moment. Now I don't know how I'll go back to work, even though I feel more ready, because I can't figure out logistically how to make it work. Two kids, one nursing, one husband, no gardener (that's on me), no babysitter. It could be worse. I could have a real job. MAJOR FUCKING KUDOS to those of you who do. I bow to your mommy prowess. You can slap me for complaining if and when we ever meet.
I just pumped my first bottle, an hour after Charlie's morning feed. I'm worried he's going to wake up hungry five minutes after I pump and I won't have enough milk...Complicated.
For you moms out there who pumped and gave bottles, how did you do it? I'm...uhm...asking for...advice...sshhhh...