omg omg omg

Nipper Knapp's stocking 

Ok, I don't want to blow anyone's mind or anything. But I made this. With my hands. And a sewing machine. It only took a whole day, and I had to sew it three times because I kept sewing the wrong sides together, and then trying to figure out how to sew the lining part without seeing the seams. Then the cuff and hanging loop were a whole other geometry conundrum that made me have to lay down and take a nap. I just woke up. And they say children do this? In sweatshops. Well my hat's off to them, because it's clear to me you need to be some kind of brain wizard to figure this stuff out.

I used a template I got off marthastewart.com. But I didn't follow their directions because they made me even more confused. That lady sure does know how to sell stuff, but man, I think her recipes and craft instructions are usually about 83.5% above my pay grade in terms of commitment. For instance, her tutorial on how to make glittery magazine trees. This is the kind of project you'd give inmates in the loony bin to keep them busy. EVERY PAGE? FOLDED THREE DIFFERENT WAYS? A BONE FOLDER? Please. And it says kid friendly. Who's kid? Maybe those industrious sweatshop kids, but not any kid I know...