Friday, August 28, 2009

Here's my Friday slap in the face

The cotton pickin watercolor marker doesn't work. I know this. So why did I try it again? Why not just repaint the mess, and be done with it? I just wanted it so badly. I wanted it like Lisa Marie Presley wants her old face back. Apparently I'm some kind of masochist. I am a procrastinating masochist.

The babysitter came today. We haven't had her over much lately. So even though I should have (could have) gone to the gym, I didn't. I need to return some library books and we are out of milk, but I didn't do those things either. Half of the mountain range behind our house is on fire and it's 110 degrees outside. Leaving our little nest just felt like a double dog dare I didn't want to take today.

So I stayed here. I paid some bills. I started to upload one of the recent weddings to Pictage, so that bride and groom can show off and print their pictures. But the files were too big, and it was going to take 83 hours, so I gave up. I read the jcrew catalog start to finish. Holy shit those crewcuts kids are cute. I want to just stand them up in my living room and give them each a mint green cupcake. After that was done, I started to feel restless. I wandered into the kitchen and saw the markers laying on the back hall table. "Maybe I'll just give it one more shot". Big dope.

Miraculously the thing started working. Not like it was supposed to. Not with silver metallic ink coming out of it. But instead with this gauzy taupe color that almost looked like a shadow. It was perfect. Yes! Awesome! I am Helen Reddy! I finished one whole wall, and it was dreamy.

Then it happened. The ink started dripping out the pen like it was bleeding. First little tiny droplets and then giant streams, that made splashing sounds as they hit the baseboards. I was cleaning up spills with every pen stroke. The final blow came when all of a sudden with no warning, the fucking thing started working like it's supposed to. DARK silver ink flowing freely from the end of the marker. ARE YOU KIDDING ME GOD, BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THIS IS FUNNY!!! Actually I did think it was funny. I started laughing. Then the babysitter came in, and she started laughing too. World's worst DIY project.

I don't know what I'm going to do now. I'm sure it will stay like this. Unfinished and sad for a while longer (sorry Nipper). Anyone have any good suggestions? Anyone want to track down the crafty blogger who came up with this project and pay her to paint my bathroom? Have a great weekend. I'll be here, cleaning up my mess.


  1. what about really big fancy vinyl stickers?

  2. Marija, I've looked all over but can't find where I saw it. But, once, I saw a bathroom covered in the pages of a novel. It was really beautiful. Maybe you could do yours in Spanish poetry you used to love. The white pages and black print/font is incredible. The thing is, Nipper facing one way while peeing and you facing the other you'll never read the same verse. Anyway, I'll keep trying to find the photo I saw.

  3. You have a fine way with humor. I love the idea of what you're trying to do in your bathroom, very fifties modern.

  4. These will be PERFECT in the birdcage bathroom! (Is that project done yet?)