Fat Willy Taft

That's what Nipper is going to start calling me if I don't knock it off. "Good morning Fat Willy Taft! Jack tell Fat Willy Taft good morning!" I'm going to blame the holidays, and the turn of the weather. It's been in the low 70s all week in LA, you know sweater weather. Last weekend I made two giant lasagna dishes filled with comfort food for us to eat all week. I made brownies, bought some mint fudge covered oreos, which are like kryptonite to me, and I would like to tell the good people at nabisco that they are ruining my figure... but also that they have made life worth living. Yesterday I made the salted brown butter crispy treats from smitten kitchen. And then I had the brainstorm to melt some scharffen berger dark chocolate and dip the tops in it. Nipper Knapp and I have eaten half of them already... since yesterday.

I don't know that I've gone on a food bender like this since I was a kid. When I was 9 or 10, I would sneak down to the corner store and buy a bag of mini reese's peanut butter cups, and eat THE WHOLE BAG. I would hide them under my pillow, so my mom wouldn't know. I would buy a tub of chocolate frosting and eat it with a spoon. For the life of me, I can't figure out why I did this, but I would spread butter on saltines and sprinkle them with sugar and eat them. I was a baby closet sugar smack. What's funny, is that as an adult, I am much more of a savory food person. I'd much rather have something salty or cheesy than something sweet. But as a kid, I couldn't get enough. Maybe I'm going through puberty again...

The red holiday cups are back at Starbucks, and along with them the treat I think about a good part of the year. The gingerbread latte. I think about it before I go to bed at night. As in, "fuck I have so much to do tomorrow, and there's no way I'm going to get it all done, but hey, at least there will be a gingerbread latte in there somewhere...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz". Unfortunately this year, I've given up caffeine and so I thought I'd have to go without. But I decided to try it anyway, and of course I'm hooked. Something about a hot beverage that's made for you by someone else, that you can carry around with you, feels like the ultimate in being nice to yourself. The bad part is that I'm a little ashamed of my order, because it's basically just a milky syrup delivery system. This is what it sounds like "I'd like a grande soy gingerbread two pump latte with no foam and no toppings".  Hello douchebag, nice to meet you. I'm filled with self loathing every time I say it.

Today, when I got up, Jack and I went through the drive through Starbucks by our house. They have the little screen up that shows your order as you're telling the person inside what you want. Here's what it looked like:

1 Grande Hot Chocolate
1 Horizon Milk
1 Grande Soy Gingerbread Latte (ask me)

There it is, confirmation. I have become the dressing on the side person. I have become a high maintenance orderer. I used to be happy with butter on a soda cracker and now I need a thesaurus and a manager approval to order coffee.