I'll be thinking of you all day little man.
12pm Santa Monica
2:15 Santa Monica
That's my audition schedule tomorrow. Those of you who live here and do this for a living are just laughing at me right now. For those of you who don't here's what this means. The babysitter get's here at 10:30, I only have 2 bottles in the fridge, so hopefully I'll have time to make one in the morning, after Jack goes to swim class, and while I'm putting on my make-up, probably with Charlie in the bjorn, PRETTY. I'll nurse Charlie one last time, that means, I need to pump somewhere around12:30-1:00. Right around the time I'm in my callback in Hollywood. Uhm. Ok. This isn't stressful. Not at all! At least I'll be in my car. In traffic. And then intermittently being judged by strangers. Don't forget, I will have slept from 11pm to 6 am, in hour and a half intervals, then gotten up to nurse and soothe a fussy baby, so Ill be SUPER well rested. My armpits are going to smell SO good.
Also, everything in LA is 30 minutes from everything else. Except when there is traffic. Then it's 45 minutes to an hour. Also, you always wait an hour (at least) at every audition. So if you have gotten through the basic math, something's got to give. I'm actually just hoping to make it to the first one early, get through fast, without a casting assistant sneering at me when I check where I am on the list for the 17th time in 37 minutes, get to my 2nd one, a callback, do that fast (hahahaha, yeah that's going to happen, when you add agency people, a director, and a client, it ALWAYS speeds up the audition process), pump in the car before going back to Santa Monica for my 3rd one, which I'm hoping they don't mind me being exceptionally late for. It's for the new show Whitney, I have one line. Can't they just look at my picture and imagine me saying "what's the name"? I won't feel cheap at all.
Then race home because by the time I get there I (and Charlie) should be ready to nurse again. By which I mean, my boobs will hurt, and Charlie will be crying his little eyes out.
SO, to that grade A suck bag who called Maternity leave "a racket" last week: (Click this link here), you sir can go fuck yourself. Also to Megyn Kelly, "sigh..."
Now hold your breath and tell me to break legs.