Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Quit Blogging Salbrekesh!

So there's a list of things I should be doing, and a list of things I want to be doing, and while a few things on those lists overlap, for the most part the things I WANT to be doing are winning. 

I was watching this terrible show last night, on the style network, about the America's messiest house. The show could be an awesome piece of trash tv, if the entire cast of "helpers" wasn't so fucking irritating, and camp, and stupid. Here's the pitch: "Let's get a retarded southern woman, a hyper bitchy gay guy, a sassy black lady, and a bulky, but dull straight man, to give messy people the business about their sad, sad lives. It's an all demographic killer!" 

That said, I fast forwarded through the entire 2 hour show. Riveting. How could people live like that! Filth, beyond belief. But it was the reasons they gave that sent a shiver down my spine. The husband had a "back injury", he was depressed, which was why he had so many hobbies, and why he collected trash to bring home to sell on the internet, which he never did, because he had a "back injury". The wife was basically just this emotionally paralyzed person who kept saying "whatever he wants, I don't want him to be unhappy." Dudes! Your living in squalor that would make a rag picker in Calcutta be like "ewwww", but by all means, hold onto that model airplane, and those board games with the missing pieces. What the fuck is wrong with people! 

Which brings me back to my lists. What I need to be doing in researching a better lens for shooting weddings, printing my music portfolio, re-doing my website, shooting headshots to pay for new lens for shooting weddings, cleaning out the garage, cleaning my desk, talking to Nipper Knapp about things other than "did Jack poop today? Oh really how was it?". But instead I'm sewing curtains for the neighbors (more on their adorableness later... the curtains, not the neighbors) embroidering organic cotton shopping bags, watching endless hours of television, staring at the mailbox, waiting for residuals, wasting hours on design*sponge, thinking up new ways to waste time, I shouldn't be wasting. Oh, and of course writing this blog. Because the world needs to know...

There was a girl at my boarding school who's last name was Salbrekesh, and I can't remember her first name, but from what I can remember she was kind of wild. She was from New York, and she had this great NY accent, and wore those giant gold Egyptian Nefertiti earrings, that girls wore in the 80's. In my little pebble of an adolescent mind she was from MTV, and I was from Michigan. This girl was all tough tough tough, and sass sass sass, until her dad came for a parents weekend. All of a sudden, this girl, who for all I know was a teenage madame, was all "daddy" this, and "daddy" that. She even sat on his lap through a group meeting one time. (I didn't go to Exeter people, I went to "Let's talk about your family's problems, and eat lobster, school".) So finally one day the headmaster, or someone in charge says "Quit blocking Salbrekesh". This guys couldn't see that his daughter was rolling him. Just like this lady on tv couldn't see that her husband had turned her house into a trash heap. Just like if I'm not careful, I'm going to end up the crazy cat lady with a stockpile of craft supplies from Michael's smothering me in my sleep! For those of you who have seen Nipper Knapp's German engineering style of organization, you think this might not be possible, but I bet old man Salbrekesh in his wool trousers, and tidy moustache never thought he'd have Heidi Fleiss for a daughter either...

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