Sleep Schmeep

maybe three days old

Look at that face. I mean look at it! It looks like one of those 3D sonogram pictures. Like he's just a glowy little fetus lying there on the bed between us. That whole "fourth trimester" thing, totally true. He was just this itty bitty helpless goob. I LOVED having him sleep in our bed. We had a cosleeper next to the bed, but for those first few months, he mostly just slept on one of us. 

Cut to last night, when a still very cute, but not so itty bitty toddler came into our room crying TWICE before midnight. I relented because I'm weak, and let him sleep in our bed, where if I'm honest he ends up every night. Only now he's a bundle of wiry muscles, all elbows and knees, oh and for some reason he shouts things like "NO Mama, I don't want to look at the spiders!" and "No! Get him" and "No Daddy, I don't want to go!" That's right baby, stuff it down and only let it out and night. 

We keep saying we're going to sleep train again. We're gonna put our foot down. One of us is going to lay down the law. Yeah right. There's never a good time, and it just seems easier to let him sleep with us when he stumbles in a 2am. The thought of getting out of our warm bed, making him cry, having to use reason, and logic, and you know, be a parent at that hour is too much. He also likes to sleep sideways between us, with his head burrowed over my pillow and his feet just in kicking range of Nipper's face. Delightful! There's also the new "fake crying" sound, sort of a "gloop" sound deep in his throat that makes him cough after he's done it 4 or 5 times. He's decided he needs to practice this sounds at regular intervals between 3 and 5 a.m., which makes for all of us being bleary eyed and cranky most mornings lately. 

I know when he grows up I'll miss us all piling in the bed, and I'll have forgotten all about the late night head butts and crazy shouting, but I'd give my pinky toe for a good night of sleep for all of us right now. Just one night where by some miracle, all three of us slept through the night until 7am. How did that become a dream come true? I've really lowered the bar on expectations. 

I've got to go now, because Jack's in the toy room pooping, and I have to go bargain with him to LET me change his diaper. I'm going to teach him to say "This one's a doozy!" when he's done. 

Greetings from the darkside

Ladies and gentleman of the internet, this blog is brought to you today, from the shady underbelly of parenthood. I'm sharing a twin size bed with America's hottest two year old and we're all about to die. Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration, (and a nod to the movie Almost Famous).

We arrived at Nipper's parent's house, at 11pm last night. Jack slept for 3 hours in the car. So basically, he had a disco nap, and was ready for table dancing and bottle service. We let him run around for an hour or so, and then tried to reign him in for bedtime. Let the fun begin! He said NO to the crib, that was provided, NO to sleeping in the twin bed alone, and NO to Nipper and I moving more than 3 centimeters away from him as he slept.

Nipper was finally able to extricate himself, around 1am, and move to another bed. As Jack sprawled next to me, on the twin, the full size bed calling my name from across the room, I tried to will my body to be smaller, and my back to stop being so inflexible. "Suck it up", I thought. "The baby needs his rest."

By 4am, I was in a trance like state brought on by lack of sleep, and stress positions that only Dick Cheney could have invented. I realized I was willing to turn myself in, for any, and all of my my life's misdeeds, and was indeed masterminding unspeakable crimes from my 6 inches of mattress. Losing purchase, on the bed, and sanity, I crawled out silently, tapped Nipper, and said "your turn". From 4am to 6am Jack tossed and turned while Nipper silently lost his mind. At 6:15, he opened his eyes, and in a Disney forest animal chirp announced he was ready to go downstairs and see Poppa. Monster!

Tonight he goes in the crib no matter what, but I think it's important that women thinking of having children see firsthand, what this kind of sleep compromise can do to a person. Here is how I looked yesterday:

And here is how I look this morning.

I'm just saying...