Thank You

hiccups

I want to thank a few people who helped make yesterday pretty great. In no particular order:

I would like to thank Jack's babysitter for being a no show. It allowed me to spend 30 minutes in the swing chair with both of my boys under a blanket telling the wizard of oz story. Which Jack said he thought "Charlie really likes". 

I would like to thank Charlie for going to sleep after nursing, so that Jack and I could crawl into bed and watch an episode of Spiderman.

I would like to thank Jack for cuddling up next to me while watching Spiderman and falling asleep. His first at home nap in bed with mommy in what may be a year. 

I would like to thank Charlie for continuing to sleep all the way through my nap with Jack, and our grilled cheese and apples lunch, another thing we haven't been able to do in a long time. 

I would like to thank AMC for running Die Hard in the middle of the afternoon while Nipper took Jack to swim class, so that I didn't DIE of boredom while Charlie nursed for 17,000 hours. 

I would like to thank Nipper for taking Jack to swim class, where he reportedly did the pancake float all on his own, the only kid in his class to do it. Then for taking him to Menchie's and getting this picture. 

I would like to also thank the inventor of Limonata, for you know, inventing it. 

And I think that's it. 

As you can see, anyone that helps my boys nap, me nap, provides desert, action movies, or lemony goodness is alright in my book.

Dude's Weekend!

Nipper and Jack set out yesterday morning for a wedding in San Diego. Nipper was the best man, and Jack was along for the ride, because I was all "oh hell to the no, I'm not having a baby on the 5 freeway, San Diego, or anywhere in between..." Sadie came over and we had a sleepover, just in case the baby did decide it was time, I wouldn't have to call the weird neighbor who takes his teeth out when he gets home from work, to drive me to the hospital. 

Within 3 hours of leaving the house Jack had his first temporary tattoo. I've spent 4 years protecting him from the existence of this particular plague, and there it was, a Thor tattoo on my baby's unblemished arm. "That's doesn't go with his seersucker suit" I thought. But the rules of dudes weekend, are like the rules of fight club. I didn't have a leg to stand on. I was lucky I was even being kept in the loop on the debauchery. Oh and he got the tattoo at the movie Thor. They went to see THOR at 11 in the morning. Nipper is clearly trying to follow in the rebellious footsteps of his own great dad, who took him to see Sharky's Machine when he was 11. I'm guessing this early exposure to the nitty gritty of man world, is what  made him such a lamb. (That's right I just called him a lamb. Deal with it)

They sent pics all day, while I napped, sewed, ran errands. Sadie and I went out for dinner, and watched "My Cat From Hell". We talked until midnight, and slept in until 9. Perfect. When do we get to have time with our girlfriends like that? NEVER. 

I guarantee you we looked this glamorous while watching My Cat From Hell last night

Seeing my handsome fellas in their matching seersucker playing, and being guys, basically made me feel like my heart was being squeezed just a little too tight. I can't believe my baby is old enough to be out in the world with his old man, my sweet husband. They called me at 11pm on their way back to the hotel. This is a kid who sometimes falls asleep on the couch at 7pm. He had a backpack full of light sabers (it was a fun wedding), and sounded completely content. This mother's day they gave me the greatest gift a mother could get. A little time to myself, a great night of sleep, and the knowledge that my little man is thriving in his little world. Happy Happy Day. 

Now if his little brother could make his way out of uterus today, I'd, you know, appreciate that too. C'mon baby, help a mama out! 

Melt

When Jack first started going to school, we all struggled with the separation. Having two parents who don't have regular jobs, and are always around to play, snuggle, stare at you, has it's ups and downs. I'm sure when he's a teenager, he'll be like "OMG, get out of my face! Get a job, losers!". But as of right now, we remain his favorite peeps. 


We got the book, The Kissing Hand, which helped a lot. Every morning I would put some kisses in Jack's palms, and he would say he was saving them for later when he needed them. In the beginning I would walk out of the classroom with him crying, palms pressed to his cheeks. Devastating. 

But he's made friends, and grown more confident, and most days when Nipper picks him up, he doesn't want to leave. There are no more tears at drop off, and this too makes me sad. You can't win as a parent. You work so hard to help them learn to be independent, and then at the moment you realize they are doing just fine without you, you feel overwhelmingly proud, and wistful, "remember when he was just a little baby, and slept right on my shoulder?!"


Cut to 3 nights ago where I had a complete sobbing meltdown in the kitchen bc nipper told me some kid at Jack's school asked him why he was so slow on the bike path. He IS slow, and painfully cautious. There is a little hill on their playground that the bike path goes down, and if he's on it, walk-sitting his bike down the hill, there will be a 10 trike line up at the top of the hill waiting for him to get to the bottom. Some of the kids in the traffic jam are 2 years old. 

I cried bc I'm afraid we've made him that way. Or we haven't helped him overcome his natural cautiousness, and now he'll NEVER jump his motorcycle over those shark tanks. And because, even though Nip said he was fine, and didn't acknowledge this kid, maybe he wasnt, but stuffed it down, so no one would notice. (I don't know where he'd get that from...) I cried bc I want to keep him close, so he'll never get hurt (by a bike, another kid, a tsunami)... And then I cried because he's getting so independent I can't stop thinking about how much I'm gonna cry when he goes to college. I cried bc in 2 months, there's going to be another baby here, and I already feel guilty about the time that I won't be able to be with Jack. Then I cried because I'm a terrible mother that I'm already more worried about one kid than the other, and poor baby #2 is already getting the short end of the stick.

So, uhm, yeah. You ever have anything like that? I'm a hormone time bomb. Once I'm past the crazy pregnancy, post pregnancy hormone crazy, I'm not going to cry about this stuff. I'll just be all "suck it up kiddo, life is hard, and hell is other people". Right? Right?!

The other thing we did to help us all along, was to tell Jack that he's always in our hearts. That we are in his, and he is in ours. That wether we are with each other, or very far apart, the people we love are always in our hearts. Now that he's almost four, this has extended to when he is in trouble for minor infraction, (throwing crayons at mommy's face at bedtime), and he says, choking through tears "I LOVE YOU MOMMY, YOU ARE IN MY HEART!" He wants to make sure we still love him, even when we're mad. We assure him that we do. 


This morning, he came to give me a hug before he and Nipper went upstairs to rough house (thank jeebus for Nipper Knapp), he was saying hello to his baby brother in my tummy, and I said, "you know who is going to be in your heart? Baby brother." He said immediately "Mommy, he's already in my heart". And then I died...